In just over 5 months Im flying off for some much needed sun and I cant wait! The only thing holding me back is the hideous thing I call my body!
I have never been happy with my size, even as a child; Although looking back I don’t think I was ever too big, hearing comments from people behind your back that you thought were your best friends, or one case to your face when they thought you were sleeping really does have a big impact and is something I have carried for my whole adult life.
Unfortunately for me I am one of those people that will always turn to food. It doesn’t matter what mood I’m in, happy, sad, angry, tired….the answer for me is food and this is something that I am currently battling against to get my bikini body ready…at the moment its looking more like a head to toe wetsuit!
Around 4 months ago I decided finally enough was enough! I was fed up of feeling ugly and trying to hide my body in baggy clothes all the time. I threw away my cupboard of goodies, ordered all the good foods and reached out to my cousins best friend who is a Personal Trainer to ask for his help.
I wasn’t sure what to expect at first, in all honesty I was scared. I thought I would be expected to do things I couldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to keep up. He would get frustrated with me and would judge me for what I looked like. Thankfully, I couldn’t of been more wrong! I had met Cy once or twice before but he was still a stranger and his opinion mattered. Every session with Cy he tells me how well I’m doing, his positive feedback is what keeps me going. If I tell him I’ve had a bad week he doesn’t judge me, instead he gives me advice. By the end of each session I’m a sweaty mess flapping my arms around telling him I stink. I moan, god do I moan but he lets me get on with it on. When I thought I couldn’t he told me I could. Every week infact he tells me I can. Having someone believe in you is an amazing feeling. Cy’s not only my PT he’s now a friend and I’m so grateful for his help and I appreciate all the advice, help and kindness he has given me more than you can imagine.
I was already signed up to a gym with my sister but due to her hectic work schedule and my decision to join a gym that wasn’t the easiest to get to (smart idea right), I think we only went 3 times max in about 10 months. I thought that if I was at least working with Cy once a week this would be an improvement and maybe I could try and sort a way out of getting to the gym, even only twice a week, anything is better than nothing.
My first couple of sessions with Cy literally killed me. Although what I was doing was probably the easiest of things for most, for me it wasn’t. I struggled but I pushed myself as hard as I could. For the next 5 days following each session I couldn’t walk for the life of me, in fact, I honestly looked like I had crapped myself!
My sessions have been up and down the last few months due to personal reasons and illness and at times I’ve felt like just giving. The temptations of eating what I wanted was too much, the pain from working out wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t seeing any changes so I was failing but I’m glad I didn’t and now I’m back and 100% committed.
My last few sessions have made me feel amazing! I’ve also started going to the gym outside of my weekly PT sessions which is helping. Dare I say it but I think I’m even enjoying myself!
Whilst my training is getting better I’ll admit I still struggle with my eating.
I’m not dieting – I cant diet and to be honest I don’t believe in diets, I see them more as a quick fix and for me this is a lifestyle change.
90% of the time I’m well behaved but I still have those moments – who doesn’t?
I see Chocolate and I want it. Do I feel bad? Yes, but it doesn’t always stop me. If I decide to have a treat then I know I need to work out that little harder or longer or be extra strict the following week.
The biggest change I have noticed is my mind-set. I am by no means obsessed by how many calories there are in foods but I am starting to take more notice. I have a set amount of calories each day and this is more than enough for me.
Previously, if I wanted to eat something I would and wouldn’t even bat an eyelid, now I tell myself that I don’t need to eat it. I remind myself that if I eat this I am only hurting myself and letting myself down. I talk myself out of things and most of the time it does work.
I’m still like everyone else though and have those ‘Fuck it’ moments believe me!
Last week I rummaged through my wardrobe for something to wear to work. I finally decided on 2 tops I haven’t worn in a good few years and to say I felted chuffed with myself would be an understatement! These tops have been hidden at the back for so long because they’ve been too tight, so tight on my arms infact that I could barely move them, but they both fit with plenty of room and I couldn’t be happier! Looks like I was changing after all.
When I first met up with Cy we talked about the best way to track my progression. He recommended photos as he wasn’t keen on actual weight. I think I remembered to do this for the first week – Sorry Cy! I will get back to doing this.
At first I didn’t understand why I wouldn’t keep track by weighing myself but I get it now. Unfortunately I got myself into a routine of weighing myself every morning – Why would I do this to myself! Day to day my weight fluctuates and on those days where its gone up from the previous day makes me feel like I’m wasting my time but the change I’ve seen isn’t purely based on weight loss alone.
I feel better within myself. I can feel a difference in my appearance and my friends and family have told me they can see I have lost weight (I hope this isn’t them just trying to be nice).
I might not of lost the pounds but my measurements are definitely changing.
As I mentioned I’ve started going to the gym during the week outside of seeing Cy. After months of trying I finally wore my friend down and got her to join my gym! We’ve got our routine in place and it feels good. Our body types are very different so we’re working towards different goals but she will still spend time going through my warm up and plan Cy has set for me, we then go our own ways. I don’t think she realises how grateful I am that she decided to join.
Whilst I’ve still got a long way to go to get to a place where I’m happy I hope to share my goals each time they are met. I might be taking small and steady steps but I’m heading in the right direction.
Love Stacey x
If your looking for some extra help, need a little push or need some tips, you can check out Cy at the below –